Tag Archives: Major Fail

Desperately Seeking Supermom

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I’m trying here. I’m really trying. But there are a lot of things in the way of my success and efficiency. Like….well….I guess actually I am the only thing in my way. I get in my own way a lot. Like right now, for instance. Pile of mail to my left, dishes to my right, toys behind me, disappointed dog at my feet, laundry downstairs and yet I sit, typing. Does typing accomplish anything when its not done to, say, appeal for help with your charity or write a speech for the President? It’s helping me, and that’s all that matters at this very moment. (So deliciously selfish! I can hardly stand it! I’ll take seconds, please!)

School started this week, and all moms gave a collective sigh of relief. (Can I get a “Word!”?) It’s been a month since camp ended and I have been at my Fake-Supermom best. We’ve traveled, we’ve talked, we’ve cooked and we’ve baked, we’ve done science experiments, we’ve read, read, read. We’ve crafted and created and, throwing germ-phobia to the wind, we’ve even been to Chuck E. Cheese. But I have to admit, by the first week of September, even I was out of ideas. E needed structure and I needed to go to the grocery store without an entourage.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes a mom “super”. Back when I had The Business, other moms used to say really nice, flattering things about me being Supermom. What an embarrassing compliment to take when you feel like a ginormous mess on the inside, just trying to get your kid to school on time and not fumble your infant on the way. Now being on the other side of the Major Fail that was The Business, I guess I see what they were talking about. All moms have something that other moms admire. Case in point: After feeling pretty good about myself for spending an afternoon making homemade crayons with E, I had dinner with a girlfriend who has a PhD in Child Psychology or some other major that had to do with knowing how to speak to children without acting like a child yourself. Well crap. She might not have made any crayons that day, but you can sure bet she wasn’t screaming at her 4 year old to “have more patience!” that morning. Oh, the irony!

Would Supermom have to put herself in time-out to keep from smashing her own head into a wall a la The Situation? Would Supermom’s kid have to miss karate practice because she couldn’t get it together in time? Would Supermom have let her baby accidentally take a big swig of her Iced Chai Latte because she was holding him and the cup in the same arm? Would Supermom write a blog when she should be writing a grocery list? Negative to all of the above. None of these things warrant a call to DFACS, but they also won’t win a Mom of the Year award, either. I definitely don’t deserve the title, but I will always strive for it. If this were my old “paid” job, mediocrity wouldn’t fly. Neither would being late, wearing junky clothes or not straightening my hair (my rule, not theirs). I wouldn’t yell at the clients, I wouldn’t spend an hour on the phone with a friend, and I wouldn’t play loud and offensive rap music just because I thought no one was listening. (Well, actually I used to do that one a lot.) I am not SUPER but I think I am really good. In E’s karate class they are asked every day how they are doing and they like them to say “Good and getting better, Sir!”,  so I’m making that a personal motto. I’m good, and I’m only going to get better… Sir!

So I guess it’s time to get back to my version of responsibility and start working on Halloween crafts and goodies. We already started the other day by crafting mummy candle holders out of spaghetti sauce jars, cheesecloth and googly eyes. So cute! So fun! So early! Now on to those magnificent fall goodies… everything will have pumpkin in it. I eat pumpkin the way other people eat chicken. It goes with everything and my world starts turning orange right about… now.

Congrats on whatever makes you SUPER.

Sincerely, a super mom

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