There are a few exhilarating, thrill-inducing things that would be fun to do while you are still able. Sky dive, eat exotic food in an exotic place, be blond, be not blond again, ride roller coasters, pierce something other than your ears and have sexy boudoir photos made. Not all at the same time, but eventually. Now, I won’t cop to how many of those I can claim personally, but I will say (from recent experience) that having a sexy boudoir photo shoot will rock your socks off. (Or your thigh-highs. Depends on your look.)
The word “Groupon” doesn’t usually elicit sexy thoughts but when SB presented an offer of a pin-up photo shoot with professional hair, make-up and styling included, the mind wandered to secret, seedy places. After a brief (read: very long) telephone scuffle with the studio over the terms of the Groupon redemption, the plans were made and the appointment set. I will not elaborate on the scuffle because although it was looking iffy for a minute, an agreement was made and it all worked out in the end. Because my husband is a pit bull in a button-down shirt when he needs to be. Case closed.
I agonized for weeks over my outfit choices and my faux attempts at diet and exercise. Finally giving in to the attitude of “This is Me Now”, I went forward, trusting in their ability to Photoshop me to a certain level of presentable. Join me on my journey.
I share these only-slightly-intimate-yet-highly-cropped-and-edited-photos with you because:
A) You haven’t seen a current picture of me on this blog without a wig on, and this is my actual hair.
B) I am not modest so I don’t exactly feel like I’m showing anything crazy or that you can’t see somewhere else. There were a few costume changes, so you’re not even seeing the whole shoot here – just the family friendly ones.
C) YOU SHOULD DO THIS, TOO! I mean, really. If you haven’t been professionally dolled up before, you are missing quite an experience. I did something similar 10 years ago (no boudoir involved) and I now think it should be a once-a-decade treat to yourself, just for making it another decade. Unrelated, sort-of, Tina Fey gives the most hysterical run-down of what a fancy photo shoot is like in her awesome, awesome, awesome book Bossypants. I read it on a recent plane ride and had to put it down several times because I was literally embarrassing myself the way I was guffawing.
Take a look at me in pre-production. Here I am with my hair mostly done, but without makeup, enjoying a cup of Wawa coffee before the shoot. “Pasty” is an understatement.
*correction: That is a 20 oz. rum & Coke and I did not get it at Wawa.
Corset-tying 101: Ever laced one of those suckers up alone? If you get it right, it’s kind of fun and super hot, but if you become tangled and frustrated (with a little buzz), you may curse and cry. I was in the latter group. When I went to purchase said corset a few days earlier, I was given excellent instructions by a rather buxom sales person who reduced her 39″ waist by NINE INCHES right in front of us. It was uh… fascinating, yet physiologically confusing as to how it was even possible. I was strapped into it briefly in a less extreme fashion and had a stomachache the rest of the night. But, we had just eaten Greek food and I had wine, so I can’t be sure who to blame.
And this one says “New! Crest White Strips!”
In this photo, I am trying to summon up every episode I’ve ever seen of America’s Next Top Model. I hear Tyra in my head. Speak up, Tyra! Am I still in the running to become America’s Next Top Model? There’s an age/height/weight limit? Aw, man.
This is basically my un-paid endorsement for the modern version of Glamour Shots. ‘Memba those from the 90’s? You didn’t have them done? (Twice?) Just me? Oh, never mind.
Do it ladies. You can borrow my corset, lacing instructions included!
The moral (??) of this story is that for a price, anyone can
be feel like a supermodel for a day. Or a lifetime, really, because you’ll have your photos forever. It is fun, empowering, and your spouse/partner/lov-ah with adore you for it. Let me say that again. THEY WILL TREAT YOU LIKE A ROCK STAR FOR IT. I can vouch for that.